#13 “Mirror, Mirror”

So it’s been awhile since I posted anything. In days of yore, I would scoff when people would write that and think “they don’t know how to prioritize” or “that would never happen to me” because, well, that’s what elitistacademics do: we assume that we would do things better or differently, all the while really knowing that “due dates” mean a clean bathroom, office, house, or just about anything else except that stack of papers or article or thesis or dissertation. It’s also why we invented the term “hard deadline” because “deadline” was far too squishy and vague, not to mention the fact that it prompted questions like “Is it due, due? Or is it due?” [Insert juvenile laughter here.]

Suffice to say, I’ve been busy doing mostly administrativeacademic stuff, which leaves no time for any elitistacademic wittiness, only soporific groans. [Nothing says, “I’m back” like “yore” and “suffice” except maybe “soporifc.”] The other day, I fell asleep at 8:00 with my clothes on and one heeled foot on the floor. At least I didn’t fall asleep with a sandwich on my stomach, speaking of which I am hoping that my writing partner from Spring Break can help get me back on track. [Update: we just spent the last forty minutes on Skype, so maybe not. It also doesn’t help that a “Storage Wars” mini-marathon is on. I do love Stewart Copeland.]  In any case,  I am determined not to let work keep me from something I really enjoy, though it has, and I’m not willing to abandon Film 52.177. So I will undertake the “Four Posts in Four Days Challenge” to get back on track.

[Update, update: the above was written last night and I was too tired to finish, but today, I have given myself a hard deadline.  See?  Use those words and you mean business, or at least I do in theory.]

So about those film reviews: I’ve been going; I just haven’t been reporting. But this is me, getting back on track.

One word review: uninspired.  And that’s really too bad because the Bollywood dance sequence at the end hinted at some of the film’s unrealized potential. If you’ve seen the preview, you’ve seen the film. The other major problem with Mirror, Mirror, aside from the unexplained hut where the “Dorian-Gray-smack-talking-mirror” is housed, Snow White repeatedly being “spanked” by the Prince’s sword, and Eddard Stark looking all confused, is the casting of Julia Roberts as the Evil Queen.

For the record, I am no Julia hater. In fact, during the 90′s “sweetheart” wars between Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock, I was team Julia all the way. After the one-two punch of Satisfaction and Mystic Pizza (1988) in what marked an indisputable watershed year in film history, Juila’s reign in our hearts and at the box office was a fait accompli: Pretty Woman simply confirmed what we already knew. [A moment: let me remind everyone that in Mystic Pizza, Julia played a woman of Portuguese descent, which says R-A-N-G-E, but thankfully no accent.] I mean seriously Sandra, Love Potion #9? Do they even sell that on DVD? Okay they do, but did they release an anniversary edition? I think not.

Here’s the problem, one which we have run into before with Julia. She has no business doing an accent of any kind and that includes a Southern one. Sorry, rules are rules. You okay the Southern accent and that’s a foot in the door to enabling all kinds of linguistic and dialect butchery. See exhibit A:

Now, I did point this out back in November: “Mirror, Mirror, not the Fairest—Trailer.”  In revisiting that post, I noticed that not only did they pull down the early preview, but also there seems to have been some dialogue rerecording, which suggests they were nervous about the film. Turns out, they didn’t need to be that worried. It didn’t bomb; I mean it’s no John Carter and the children in the theater seemed to love it, which means it will do well on DVD. As for Julia, she is still funny and fair, though she deserves better material, and so do we.